Oh, what a tangled web we weave...

Samuel is no idiot. He has recently figured out the self-preserving benefits of lying. What he has not figured out is why it's wrong. None of the reasons we are giving him to be an honest boy seem to be making much of an impression.

Me: "It's wrong to lie because then we can't trust you"

Sam: (blank stare).

Me: "It makes mom and dad sad."

Sam: (non-committal) "oh"

And in desperation:

Me: "It makes Heavenly Father sad"

Sam: (blank stare) "Mom, is Jesus pretty tough?"

Me: Yes, he's really tough, but he doesn't like it when we lie."

Sam: "Is he tougher than dad?

Me: "Yes"

Sam: (whispering) "are you going to send me to Jesus?" (clearly referencing a talk we had about the body and where the spirit goes when we die. Heaven help us if Social Services ever gets their hands on him again!)

Me: "Yep!" (okay, I didn't actually tell him that, but wouldn't that be an effective threat? "Stop hitting your brother or I am going to send you to Jesus!" But then that makes him a bad guy, so that idea is out. It's unfortunate that there are no gypsies anymore. "I'm going to sell you to the gypsies" used to be bandied about, but kids just aren't buying that these days.)

A few nights ago, Samuel's bedroom door was open after I had left it slightly ajar. I told him to close it and his response was that the wind blew it open. Given that he has a ceiling fan that was on, I conceded that it might have happened and left it at that. Last night, he was watching a movie on the portable DVD player, which sits on his night table and which he has strict instructions not to touch. When checking on him I saw that it was in bed with him.

Me: "Sam, I told you not to touch this"

Sam: "but the wind blew it down here!"

Today, he dismantled his skeleton straw (don't ask) for the third time and asked me to put it back together (for the third time).

Me: "Sam, stop taking this apart"

Sam: (indignantly) "I didn't!" (calculating glint in his eye) "The wind blew it"

Now, I don't expect my four year old to understand the laws of physics and the improbability of the wind picking up his DVD player and depositing carefully in his lap, or taking apart his straw while leaving it in his hand, but how much of an idiot does he take me for? He is clearly thinking "if the lie ain't broke, don't fix it!" Maybe the best I can hope for is that he will continue to be dense enough to use his one size fits all lies until he feels like we "might be catching on." The mental anguish of either me or Jesus doesn't seem to bother him in the least.

In the meantime, I am going to go sit him down in front of Pinnochio and give him a pop quiz at the end.